A Diploma in Resilience

PowHERful scholars told us they like the word 'Resilience.' They like what it means: Strength that bounces back. And they agree: Resilience is learned the hard way, from experience and from surviving the worst. In college, with so many challenges coming on at once, much of what is learned goes beyond academics. There's a tidal wave of organizational conundrums, financial straits, social stresses, and relationship upsets. Scholars are forced to face their deepest insecurities and weaknesses. Every PowHERful scholar can look back and trace her arduous path to developing resilience; two have generously shared their stories here. (We've abbreviated names to maintain their privacy.)

Scholar D…., five years into the workforce following college, remembers feeling in a terrible bind: "I desperately wanted to succeed in college, I couldn't afford to have it any other way. Then I began to doubt I'd ever manage to get through it."

D…. started at a community college with the goal of becoming a nurse. Towards the end of her second year, her family was struck by tragedy. She puts it bluntly: "My little sister was murdered by the police." Wholly undone by shock and grief, she dropped out of school. She simply gave up. "I had no job, I became homeless. I felt like a miserable, pathetic human being."

She shared this difficult story at an event attended by the PowHERful Foundation's founder, Soledad O'Brien. "I didn't even have a phone then, so Soledad contacted me by email." She experienced Soledad's unexpected support as oxygen to the flicker of hope that, it turns out, had not been entirely snuffed out. "With PowHERful behind me, I found my drive again and restarted school. This time, I was convinced I'd finish my degree." In addition to her classes, she began an internship at NYC Health + Hospitals.

When she was back on her feet, D••••'s newfound confidence turned out to be more fragile than she'd envisioned. "I was blindsided by post-traumatic stress and found myself overwhelmed. And then my internship came to a really embarrassing end—that's certainly the way I experienced it. I was convinced I'd completely botched the opportunity PowHERful had given me and wasted their time and investment."

Soledad understood D…. 's struggles and spoke with her. "That conversation made me feel I could turn my life around. I also understood it was important for me to continue therapy for PTSD and generalized anxiety. I went back to my classes and, after some time, took on another internship. The second one, related to both health and technology, was an excellent fit for me. It turned into a full-time job where I've been promoted and continue to advance."

Discovering her resilience through the worst of times, she says, "When you're in the fire, all you feel is the hurt. Then, out of the flames, you see yourself shining, and you're just in awe. That process took me by surprise."

One year after having graduated college, Scholar I••••• says, "After all I've been through, I know this: How we think of ourselves has the power to shape our lives entirely."

Growing up in a missionary family, I••••• thought she was prepared for the instability of college. "Moving homes was the norm. One moment, I'm playing on the beach in the middle of the South Pacific; the next, I'm catching a cab in China. Life was full of adventure and new beginnings. But consistent travel," she says, "is not as glorious as it may seem." In college, she moved countless times, from dorm rooms to rental apartments to guest bedrooms and, frequently, crashing on couches. "Given my eccentric upbringing, it was entirely new to me to follow school policy or the house rules of the families I stayed with."

I••••• was filled not just with the sadness of leaving loved ones, but with an overwhelming sense of confusion regarding her identity. "I questioned the very meaning of my existence, why I had to endure loss, heartbreak, and trauma. "Looking back, she feels she wasn't grounded in a sense of self-worth and had no confidence in making the deep, meaningful connections she sought. "I came to think: 'I am a person without background who has walked a lonely road.' How grim is that!"

It was through "time, skill, and lots of practice—and an ungodly amount of therapy" that she was able to reframe her experience and see herself differently, as "a person who has a diverse life experience who has learned many lessons along the way." This new perspective did not come easily. "I made many mistakes and lost my way," she recounts. "I watched myself change in ways I really despised: I vowed I'd never follow the path of my parents, both addicts. And yet I was admitted into rehab while in college, to detox and to learn about how to live a sober life."

Ultimately, I••••• concludes, "As I learned radical acceptance through therapy and practice, it became easier for me to let go of superficial connections and develop genuine, deep connections with a few important people who see me and love me for who I am." And, she says, it gives her the hope and genuine possibility of succeeding in whatever she aspires to do. She keeps in mind the quote from the Stoic philosopher Epictetus that helped her when she faced the worst, "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."

In college and through graduation, PowHERful scholars learn that the path to achievement can be rocky. They sometimes face fear and loneliness, academic and organizational challenges, financial stress, and unexpected setbacks. Some may find that getting through requires a health break before they're able to start back up with strength and new resolve. All of our scholars express deep gratitude to Soledad O'Brien and the PowHERful Foundation for supporting them through the crucial lessons that have forged their resilience: they know this resilience will serve them through their careers and the rest of their lives.